Pushing the Limit

I write where the story goes, and then have panic attacks that I've gone too far. During my lunch period, as I sat at my desk grading papers, a student came in. I looked up and smiled asking, "Do you have something to make--up?"

"No, I just wanted to stop by."

My room was affectionately named, Take Five. It's the place where students are welcome to come and unwind and get away from the drama of their lunchroom. I believe a lot of problems/fights have been avoided because students have a place to cool off. (For my readers, if you are wondering which came first, I had the room before I wrote Jordan's story, but created the name officially when I was writing. Reality and fiction co-inspired one another).

"What are you writing these days?"

"A story about a gay high school student."

"Ugh!"

"Sweetie, it's about a ninth grader coming to terms with his identity -"

Again, the girl made a sound of disgust.

Happily, I said, "You are the perfect person to read it!"

"I don't think so. I don't want to read a story about a gay kid."

"Listen, everybody has secrets they hide -"

"I don't have any secrets," she said over confidently.

"Sure you do. And that's why you need to read the story. You need to see that it's not someone's choice to be gay, and it's not right when they are faced with hatred. It makes kids grow up depressed and some even commit suicide."

"Well, I don't want that to happen."

"Of coure you don't That's why you have to read their side of the story to understand what they go through in school and at home."

"Maybe."

It's not this girl's fault that she grew up with prejudices. She needs to learn how accept  people of all backgrounds, religions, and yes, sexual orientations. I gladly accept the job.

I spoke to another student later that day who had just  finished the fourth book, Martin's Story. I tell her about the idea for the new story and ask, "Have I gone too far this time?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Do you think I'll lose my readers if I write a story about a gay teen?"

"No, Mrs. Crupi. I'll read it. Others will too."

This is not a new feeling for me. With my first book, Daniel's Story, I wrote about abuse and bullying and about a main character who runs for the board of education in order to get a principal fired. And then I went to my school district to get  approval for my students to read the books ;) Small wonder, I didn't get their blessing. Not one person in the chain of command said yes. Fortunately, students are industrious. They Googled me and found the books on Amazon. A will and a way...

After I published my fourth novel, Martin's Story, I was warning people not to read the book. 'It challenges views on religion and God. It deals with a teen who was killed when he was eight and describes his life in heaven. Later it deals with the relationship of the boy and a girl he is haunting. They are inexplicably drawn to each other...and that's before the issue of suicide.' It seemed like I was coming up with reasons for people not to read my work and a funny thing happened - they kept reading. What I've learned through all of this is that if you write with honesty and don't talk down to your readers, they will have faith in your words. I hope to let the stories follow their own destiny and be as true to them as I can. When I have my panic attacks that I've gone to far, I'll blast the radio and let someone else drive for a while.

I'll keep writing and pushing the envelope. I seems my readers are sticking around for the ride. Hope you come too!

Visit me on my website www.donnacrupi.com and thank you for reading!

Affectionately and gratefully,

Donna Crupi

Why Not to Do Drugs: Child Empowerment

"Don't do drugs!"  OK, because you said so.  Meanwhile, my friends, cousins, the world apparently, are all doing drugs.  What shouldn't I?  It's not like anybody is getting hurt.  Bad stuff is just happening on TV.  Not in my neighborhood and definitely not with the people I know.  So why shouldn't I do drugs?  Do you even have a reason?

Yes.  Because I want you to give yourselves a chance to grow up.  I want you to give yourselves a chance to feel real emotions like love and anger, frustration and rejection without the aid of sedatives to dull your responses or stimulants to make more of issues than needs to be.  I want you to experience life in all of its fullness and learn how you fit yourself into it.  If you end a relationship, cry through the night while eating a container of Ben and Jerry's with your best friend.  Just feel the pain.  Allow yourself to experience it and learn how to deal with it.  Trust me, the morning will come if you allow it to and you will gain perspective.  You will have the ability to handle things and survive them without them crushing you. 

I am greatly in fear of all the the teen suicides and think about the causes.  Is it because kids aren't allowed to experience pain any longer?  Is it because parents attempt to thwart all the negative experiences from their children's lives and then children are left to self-medicate or escape when issues come up that their parents can't shield them from?  So when serious issues come up, the kids copy the model - make the bad things go away.  When that doesn't work, do the next best thing - you go away.  Crazy!!  Never give up.  Face anything.  We are made to handle what is put in front of us.  That's when we have families, friends, school, etc.  We can't hide from the people we love - we must turn to them and trust that we will be accepted and loved and then we can handle what is thrown our way.

Children are growing up in such an anesthetized time period.  If they have a cold, their parents give them cold medicine to take away the symptoms.  If they have an issue in school, classes are moved, schedules are changed, conflicts are avoided.  If they have no athletic ability, they never need to feel the pain of rejection because everyone is a winner in kids' sports these days.

Where are the life lessons that kids are supposed to be learning?  Where are the coping skills and survival instincts that should be at the heart of childhood experiences?  In many ways, they are gone and replaced by common sense.  Well, it seemed to have made sense when adults tried to protect kids from the pain of life.  Stop!  Life has pain.  The sooner we get kids to accept this and learn how to deal with it, the stronger and more adaptable they will become as grown ups and leaders.

So back to the main issue, telling kids not to do drugs.  Who are we kidding?  All we do is keep our kids on drugs.  We might not be setting them up with a particular drug, but we are their connection.  We need to realize that if we are serious about keeping kids off drugs, we need to start with ourselves.  And I think if we told kids that we were going to let them experience their childhood and allow them to make decisions, and experience consequences, they would support the change.  Children talk about the meaningless of life and want to feel they are in a position of power.  Give them a chance to sink or swim.  After all, they will have to eventually.  Why not let them while the stakes are still relatively low?

So why shouldn't kids do drugs?  Because they should have too much to accomplish in their lives and they will need to keep things together to be in control.  Let's support hard work and initiative.  Let's celebrate children that aren't afraid of failure, but are afraid of not trying.  Let's teach our children that to live means to have tried, lost, and rallied to fight once again for what they believe in.  Whether this relates to school, friendships, dating, family issues or health issues, it doesn't matter.  Learning to be brave enough to face life is a skill that all kids need to possess and they can't get it on drugs.