I write where the story goes, and then have panic attacks that I've gone too far. During my lunch period, as I sat at my desk grading papers, a student came in. I looked up and smiled asking, "Do you have something to make--up?"
"No, I just wanted to stop by."
My room was affectionately named, Take Five. It's the place where students are welcome to come and unwind and get away from the drama of their lunchroom. I believe a lot of problems/fights have been avoided because students have a place to cool off. (For my readers, if you are wondering which came first, I had the room before I wrote Jordan's story, but created the name officially when I was writing. Reality and fiction co-inspired one another).
"What are you writing these days?"
"A story about a gay high school student."
"Ugh!"
"Sweetie, it's about a ninth grader coming to terms with his identity -"
Again, the girl made a sound of disgust.
Happily, I said, "You are the perfect person to read it!"
"I don't think so. I don't want to read a story about a gay kid."
"Listen, everybody has secrets they hide -"
"I don't have any secrets," she said over confidently.
"Sure you do. And that's why you need to read the story. You need to see that it's not someone's choice to be gay, and it's not right when they are faced with hatred. It makes kids grow up depressed and some even commit suicide."
"Well, I don't want that to happen."
"Of coure you don't That's why you have to read their side of the story to understand what they go through in school and at home."
"Maybe."
It's not this girl's fault that she grew up with prejudices. She needs to learn how accept people of all backgrounds, religions, and yes, sexual orientations. I gladly accept the job.
I spoke to another student later that day who had just finished the fourth book, Martin's Story. I tell her about the idea for the new story and ask, "Have I gone too far this time?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Do you think I'll lose my readers if I write a story about a gay teen?"
"No, Mrs. Crupi. I'll read it. Others will too."
This is not a new feeling for me. With my first book, Daniel's Story, I wrote about abuse and bullying and about a main character who runs for the board of education in order to get a principal fired. And then I went to my school district to get approval for my students to read the books ;) Small wonder, I didn't get their blessing. Not one person in the chain of command said yes. Fortunately, students are industrious. They Googled me and found the books on Amazon. A will and a way...
After I published my fourth novel, Martin's Story, I was warning people not to read the book. 'It challenges views on religion and God. It deals with a teen who was killed when he was eight and describes his life in heaven. Later it deals with the relationship of the boy and a girl he is haunting. They are inexplicably drawn to each other...and that's before the issue of suicide.' It seemed like I was coming up with reasons for people not to read my work and a funny thing happened - they kept reading. What I've learned through all of this is that if you write with honesty and don't talk down to your readers, they will have faith in your words. I hope to let the stories follow their own destiny and be as true to them as I can. When I have my panic attacks that I've gone to far, I'll blast the radio and let someone else drive for a while.
I'll keep writing and pushing the envelope. I seems my readers are sticking around for the ride. Hope you come too!
Affectionately and gratefully,
Donna Crupi
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